Getting Across the Line

The F22 Raptor was deployed to Asia for the first time earlier this month. Although capable of breaching the sound barrier, all twelve aircraft proved unable to penetrate the Time barrier on 11 Feb. Whilst enroute to Japan, they were forced to turn back to Hawaii. That delayed arrival in Japan has been previously reported amidst vague rumors that there were some compatibility problems with the software. CNN Television reported on 25 February that each and every fighter had lost all navigation and communications when they crossed the International Date Line. The entire squadron reportedly had to turn around and follow their tankers visually back to Hawaii. Essentially they were the first fighter squadron ever to be "towed home". As the CNN anchor said wryly, "if it had not been for their tankers or if the weather had been bad, the situation could have been serious". Bill Gates wasn't returning any phone-calls on the subject but an anonymous source at Redmond vehemently denied that Microsoft's new Vista release authentication protocols had anything to do with the double-crossing of the line. "And you can quote me on that, line by line", he said anonymously.

At ASW we suspect that it was disrespect for King Neptune and his ablutionary crossing-the-line ceremonial liturgy that caused the hiccup at the 180 degree meridian. However we also freely admit that we may have our lats and longs confused. But nothing equators to much in comparison with the newly discovered Time Barrier. Once the US DoD breaks through that, international dating will be a whole new vista of undiscovered parallels. Pentagon experts deny that the Raptor design is consequently somewhat dated. They are now wrestling with software pentagrams, trying to break down this time nexus.

Meanwhile in Hawaii, a whole squadron of F22 fighter-pilots is suffering from circadian dysrhythmia - and re-living Groundhog Day.....